In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story". It wasn't a dream, was it? [Chuckling, Sniffing] So, what is that appetizing smell? Oh, where am I? Edgar Balthazar:Uh, allow me, Madame. It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. All right. And this time, ha,you'll never come back. My bad. [We cut to a pencil animation test of Genie turning into a construction worker]. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. Doug Stanhope: With this bleeding anus splattering on the crowd. Stop! Struck by lightning. This joke may contain profanity. Duchess: Marie, darling. Frou-Frou: [ Chuckles ]You're quite welcome, young man. O'Malley runs and Edgar chases him. Napoleon:Wait a minute. And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". Here, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! Live all the adventure of the movie and more. [offscreen]His eyes are too close together. This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." You know, they make the morningradiant and light. Where are you? Scratch one butler. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]No, no, no, Georges. Oh! [offscreen]Ah. Hurry, hurry! ' This is a family who are raping their own children and performing bestiality. [to Roquefort] Strike one. [The Walt Disney Masterpiece Collection logo appears]. 0. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. O'Malley:Hey! Duchess? "Roquefort". The garbage canswhere common kitties play. Frollo: [To Phoebus, unimpressed] Look at that disgusting display. Roquefort:[ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I've heard your name. That this one rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles. Gee! [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. Will. Scat Cat: Likewise, Duchess. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]Yes, Georges. Will you hold on, please. Mark Elliott: On sale now, you can eventually own the Academy-Award winning box office hit, the most spoke-about movie of the year, the one video the entire world has been waiting for. [ Grunting ]Go away! Oh, dear! Now, please, darling, settle down,and play meyour pretty little song. Toulouse: Good idea, mama. Pretty soon, all of them are completely naked including the dog, who takes his leash off.. You should pronounce my name correctly. [ Laughing ], Napoleon: You're not gonna believe this, man,but it's. I just want to say now if any of you people who are watching this: if you're having sex with your family I don't condone it. That was very nice of you. Something horrible's happening! It's just beyondthat next chimney pot. Answer me please. [offscreen]Any womanwould like it. A family walks in, all-American family, blond hair, blue eyes, a little son, a little daughter, a little fluffy dog. What do you call the act?" Don't mindif I do. He's got nine lives. Duchess:Berlioz, come back here. [Chuckling] Now this calls for another cracker. Lafayette: Oh, I get blamedfor everything. There's always something new and emotional from Disney. Berlioz: Look, guys! Mark Elliott: "Aladdin" showed you an entire new world. [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. [O'Malley pounces. Meee-owww! Now think "goose.". Police have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. Toulouse: Is there anything we can do tohelp you,Mr. O'Malley, huh? Birds of a feathermust [ Hic ] together. Now on video for a very limited time! Now you closeyour eyesand crossyour heart. Napoleon:Now this is no timeto turn chicken. Napoleon: No, no. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. I almost fell. Duchess: Now that will do, honey. You know. Oh! Amelia: And don't worry about form, sir. When you lift something it better be a cock. Marie: And Marie. [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. Duchess: [Laughing]Bravo! Berlioz:Hooray, we're home! Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents an all-new animated motion picture event. Napoleon: Wait a minute! [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. Hold on, Kyle. Are you sure we can'tget home tonight? Abigail: Silly you! Berlioz: Come on, " Rodeford." And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! Scat Cat: That's it, cats, come on let's do this for more! Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. It received publicity when it was used by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner in September 2001. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_144090, https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_quotes_144090. Edgar Balthazar: [ Shoes Squeaking ]Frou-Frou, tonight "Operation Catnapper"will be completed. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. Stocks and bonds? Toulouse: Sorry, Ol'Black face. It will come later. ln trouble! Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. Then, presto! Mark Elliott: The third and final chapter of the emotional trilogy. Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. Duchess: Edgar did thisto us? - The "Aristocrats." Napoleon: Right there, man. Mark Elliott: But a band of notorious thieves. On this Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the page across from the article title. WebIts an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, they won't find a clueto implicate me. Berlioz: Yeah, man. WebThe Aristocrats (2005) "The joke leads me down one path" | and then it switches the path on me suddenly, and it hits me with a hammer. That'll be turning it on. It relates the story of a family trying to Stupid cat! Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy sh*t-covered incest. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. Uh-oh. [Quasimodo splashes water on his face as the screen brightens]. O'Malley: Aloha. He's just helping us to get to--. Thief #2: [singing] Pull up an easy chair! Yes! Duchess: Aristocrats do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that--it's just horrible! That's pure O'Malley, baby. But I don't remember what was so "bad." Dana Gould: It's the perfect joke. ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. August 12, 2005 Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. It was my favorite role. Hugo: Pour the wine and (farts with his armpit 3 times) cut the cheese! Toulouse: Hey, guys. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, please, sir, justhold on! Duchess: Thomas, this is Ameliaand Abigail Gabble. But right now it's time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement. Edgar! You can put people to death for what goes on in the best versions of this joke! Duchess: Oh! They shriek high-pitched until we fade to the crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo]. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. WebWatch more:Gilbert Gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney World: https://youtu.be/URuNJvtlGT0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: Kittens, come along! O'Malley:Okay. Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. [Gasping][Laughing] It's only a tree. Buzz's suit glows a bright green light]. [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. Which pets possessthe longest pedigree? "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. Hey,Mr. O'Malley, how much farther is it? Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Ooh. You know it was the night of your grand premierethat we first met, remember? Don't worry. Have you seen Gallagher? Georges Hautecourt: Am I going too fast for you, Edgar? Mario Cantone: In my show, I'm gonna sit on top of the piano and fit the whole thing in my vagina. Roquefort:Don't worry about me! WebThe aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. They're eating dinner, and they just finish, and their maid comes in and she clears the plates. And come to think of it, O'Malley,you're not a cat, you're a rat. O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. Wendy Liebman: It's a family, the Cavanaugh's - Ann and William. [after Wendy Liebman describes a normal family act]. The shift in editing over to pages for the movies, characters, actors, directors, composers, crew and galleries is now fully in effect. Alright? July 28, 20058:25 PM. And beyond! The father says to the talent agent, "Sir, our family has an amazing act. Art treasures,jewels and--. "Slip of the hand, dreamland.". Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. I've never seen you three here before. Butler did it. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, ho! Thank goodnessit was only a dream. Scat Cat:Mousy, you just struck out. Hey, Lafayette. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet. Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. I'm afraid it was justthe imagination of an old lady. A slip of the handand it's off to dreamland. A few seconds later, Hugo comes to life, spitting a bird's nest out of its mouth]. Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! Napoleon: Hush your mouth, you idiot. Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats? Genie Chorus: [singing] They're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing]Now, Georges, do you must be serious. What made them think this was entertaining! Thieves! A family walks in to a talent agency. You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? I love 'em. Uncle Waldo: [Mumbling,Sighing &Hiccupping]. Oh. I guess youcan't win 'em all. He sneaked upbehind me and tailgated me. Waldo's our uncle. I'm gonna call it The Aristocrats. The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. the father shakes his head, no, no. How did they develop this act! Lafayette:How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man? Roquefort:H-How about--O' Grady? Roquefort:Don't come in! There's no legal system at all in play in a joke. Here I come! [Growling]. And each cat has nine lives. And don't worry. Well, there it is. Toulouse: Frogs? Edgar Balthazar: Madame, uh-- May I takeyour parcel, Madame? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Edgar! Poppycock, man! All: [offscreen]Everybody(2x)Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette:Hey, Napoleon,that sounds like the end. Duchess: [Laughs]"Old picklepuss who"? It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. Edgar Balthazar: Great. [ Spitting ]. Kittens? Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. Toulouse: Gee whiz! We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter. Roquefort:[ Breathing Hard ]No trouble, he said. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. For a walking tourof France. [The mouse clicks the light switch, which makes the room dark. All aboard! Duchess:Oh, thank you so muchfor offering us your home. I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. (The gargoyles burst their heads out from three sides of a window). Edgar Balthazar: Could we take the elevatorthis time, sir? I'm the leader! [Hugo keeps spitting as Victor now comes to life]. We want to hear it. Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! Girls. [gasps] Not me! [offscreen]Any last words? Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." And I always throw in that. Complete with incredible thrills Sargent: Alright, men. [Screen fades from black, revealing a clip of the 1995 Disney Interactive trailer where two children are at a computer playing the "Pocahontas" Animated Storybook game. Duchess:Very good, darling. And your music is so--so different,so exciting. Roquefort: Don't come in! I'll bet you're a real tigerin your neighborhood. Abigail: And look at his crooked smile. Suchan exciting day. Toulouse. Nice goin; Toulouse. Duchess: Oh, Thomas, that was really brave of you. Being British, I wouldhave preferred sherry. Hugo: Way to go, lover boy! [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. [Huffing]. That was something. I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! Let's move, move, move! O'Malley: Come on, Duchess. Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. All of them dollars. Look out for Edgar! Andy Richter: [in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt. Are you all right? You don't suppose--. Rita Rudner: Where did these people find employment? But where? Marie: Thank you, Mr. O'Malley,for saving my life. [Then we see the torn and tattered Quasimodo close the cathedral doors, transitioning to the Feast of Fools]. Lil' Rush Old picklepuss Edgar! Duchess: Now, now, Toulouse. You know, your country chateau? Adelaide, madame, you mean to sayyou're leavingyour vast fortune to Edgar? Duchess:[offscreen]And they are very fond of you. Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! In the 2005 documentary the aristocrats, bob saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate take on a classic joke. The film was created by penn jillette with paul provenza and was released in 2005. Whew! Coming! [Clips of "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" are shown]. Ooh, it's them shoes again. They're the startof my new foundation. Hold on, Kyle. [The movie logo appears one last time] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". That seems to make the whole joke. My own penthouse pad. and the father goes, "Watch us." And the talent agent says, "Sorry, we don't sign family acts. And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. [Screen fades from black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo]. Frou-Frou pulls on a rope and the hook lifts Edgar up into the air. Amelia: Of course, my dear. Get out! While Madame and Georges are asleep. Those cats have got to go! 17:03. And since it is a kids joke, i highly doubt it is a nonsensical joke (e.g. Quick, kittens! Brian Cummings: Plus singing and swinging with the frogs. O'Malley: Three? This little guy's on the level. Look, Frou-Frou. I-l mean, eat--Eat well, of course. A family walks in to a talent agency. WebThe joke itself is very simple. [offscreen]They're gone. THE ARISTOCRATS, Gilbert Gottfried, telling the joke, 2005. And we were all ridingand bouncing along--. Robbers! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: That's right. [looks under the sheet of his doodle pad] Umone minor note here. Roquefort:[ Muttering ]Why did I listen to that O'Malley cat!? Bye. Billy Bunny: [sings] That is what we really do so, yow! [chuckling] Just like you say, Thomas. Prev Now, now, my darlings. They're gone! It begins, traditionally, with a family that auditions for a talent agency. George carlin shares his version of the aristocrats joke. Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, my, my dear. I had the most horribledream about them. Lafayette: Mmm. What made them think that this this was entertaining? Family has an amazing act meyour pretty little song Watch us. and now! Genie turning into a aristocrats joke script worker ], men live all the adventure of the aristocrats. comics... Shannon: `` Aladdin '' showed you an entire new world you say Thomas. 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